I think that perhaps one of the most challenging parts of this pandemic has been our inability to gather together. Even now, over half a year since this all began and we still cannot gather in the ways that we would like to. And this lack of gathering, this disconnection, has led to a disruption in our relationships. The division already present in the society around us has infested the church and led us to fight amongst ourselves. This in-fighting has led to even deeper division and a significant amount of pain for everyone. And in the midst of all of this, the Revised Common Lectionary decides that this is the best time to give preachers everywhere Matthew 18:15-20 to talk about. And I will admit, when I first saw that this was the passage for this week, my first thought was not a very Christian one. I was tempted to avoid it and select a different passage for this week. But God wouldn’t let me toss it away so easily.

The way this passage is often interpreted is that there is one correct way to handle conflict in the church. That has always sat with me wrong. It seems like a one-size fits all answer to conflict is not really possible. And the other part of this passage that stands out to me is verse 20. Most of us, I bet are quite familiar with that verse. “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” We here this verse quoted all the time to talk about how even a small group of people gathered to worship is enough for God to be with us. But how many of you knew that the context of these words from Jesus was a statement about conflict in the church? And in that context, is Jesus really talking about people gathering for worship? Or is this statement somehow connected to the question of conflict in the church?

We have wild roses in our yard that were there when we moved in. It began in one spot and then new stems emerged each year since. And while the flowers are pretty, the plant has a way of reproducing rapidly and spreading all over. The stems also grow very long and lean themselves over into areas of the yard that I don’t want them. So, I’ve grown to hate the wild roses we have. So, a little over a year ago in the Spring, I took some pruning shears and I cut them down quite a bit. April loves those roses and, when she saw how much I had pruned them, she was not very happy with me. I had cut them back significantly. April feared that I may have killed them in my enthusiasm. But they still grew that year and most of them still flowered. I thought I had done a pretty good thing. Then they sat over the winter and died away. And in the Spring of this year, I went to look at them, expecting to see a bit of growth from last year and instead found that they were bigger and more unruly than they’d been before I’d trimmed them in the first place. They had spread and grown thicker and longer stems and bigger thorns. They were healthier and happier than ever. What I had meant to be an act of tearing down had been transformed into more growth than ever.

And I think that is how conflict can work sometimes. There’s always a possibility that it might damage us. But often times, and especially if handled properly, conflict can lead to greater growth. And that is what I think Jesus is telling us in verse 20 of Matthew 18. If, in the end, we come together, then God will be with us and will help us to grow and flourish.

In order to better understand this, I want to look a little deeper at what Jesus says here in verse 20. First, I want us to consider the Greek word that has been translated “gathered.” The word is sunago, which is a compound word consisting of sun meaning ‘together’ and ago meaning ‘to bring.’ So, Jesus says to the disciples at the very end of this discussion of handling conflict, wherever 2 or 3 are brought together in my name, there I am in the midst of them. What does Jesus mean by this term sunago in this context? If we are in conflict with others, then to be brought together would be to be reconciled. That is the result we should strive for in our conflicts…to be brought together…to be reconciled. But that process can be challenging and painful. So, we are quite often quicker to seek to avoid the conflict.

As we finish out our series on Looking Back, Moving Forward, we ought to name the areas of conflict in our lives. Maybe there are some we’ve been avoiding. Maybe there are some that are just beginning to rear their ugly heads. How are we handling them or how are we planning to handle them? Is our ultimate goal reconciliation? Or is our ultimate goal to prove we are right? I think that when our goal is reconciliation, we will handle that conflict much differently than if our goal is to be right. We will be quicker to listen and slower to speak. We will be seeking what’s best for everyone and not simply for ourselves. We will be patient and kind. So, let’s name our conflicts. Maybe we are frustrated with some of the posts we’ve been seeing from friends on Facebook. Maybe we’re upset that our favorite business or event or church program is shut down or canceled. Maybe a friend or relative has done or said something you disagree with. Life is ripe with opportunities for conflict. When we name those conflicts, it can take some of the power away from them and allow us to step back and consider how we can handle them appropriately and helpfully.

The guidelines laid out here in Matthew 18 can be helpful at certain moments. When our conflict is with one individual and that person is not someone in authority over us, this method helps to keep us from complaining to others first or avoiding the conflict all together. But in situations where our conflict is with someone in authority over us or someone who is abusing us, it can be unsafe or unwise for us to approach that person one-on-one. That sort of conflict requires a different approach. Conflict on platforms like Facebook or comment threads online might be resolved by a one-on-one approach, but when you don’t actually know the person or don’t live anywhere near them to talk to them in person, some of the power of that method can dissipate. In those situations, it may be better for us to simply avoid entering into the conflict. That may seem backwards of what Jesus is telling us in Matthew 18, but I don’t think Jesus was familiar with Facebook and Twitter when he spoke these words. And what works well in one situation may not be the right approach for every situation.

Yet in all of this, I still think the ultimate message of Jesus applies. What Jesus is telling us is that reconciliation should be our goal in conflict. For when we seek that, it is then that healing and wholeness can come. When we seek reconciliation, we are brought together in the name of Jesus, and then Jesus is there with us. That is important for us to remember. And it’s important for us to understand what being brought together “in the name of Jesus” means. It does not mean simply gathering under the semblance of a ‘Christian’ gathering. It means gathering under the banner of who Jesus is. It means being brought together in love and peace and patience and kindness and mercy and all the other things that make Jesus who Jesus is. When we gather under those things, then Jesus is with us.

I’ll be honest that conflict is something I try to avoid at all costs. Sometimes I avoid so much that my avoidance of it actually causes more conflict. So, this text speaks differently to me than it might to some. It challenges me to face the conflicts before me rather than running from them. Because they usually catch up to me anyway. And the goal of conflict should not be to avoid it or even not to have it, but to allow it to bring us together instead. To work through the conflict in a way that produces reconciliation and deeper commitment to one another. For where two or three are gathered under the umbrella of love and peace and kindness and mercy, Jesus is there. Let us name our conflicts and work toward reconciliation, and may we find that Jesus is with us and is bringing us together in love. Amen.