I have always admired the way the youngest of children make friends with other kids. Have you ever observed small children with each other at a park or playground? Now, of course there are very introverted kids, or kids who take a little bit longer to make friends with other kids, but during those earliest years when kids are between 3-5 years old, it doesn’t take much to call someone a friend. When our kids were small, we’d go walk to the local park. If there were other kids there, within minutes, one of our kids would declare they had made a new best friend. How did they become friends? They both liked going down the slide together, or they both liked digging holes in the sand. Those shared interests were all that was needed. If you and I both like to race matchbox cars on the blacktop, we are best friends.

It doesn’t even matter if small kids speak the same language. They share the language of play. I came across a post online a couple of weeks ago that said this: “My son on why Caleb is his best friend at kindergarten: ‘He doesn’t really speak English, so we can skip all the talking and just get right to the karate.’” 

But, as we get older, friendships get more complicated. People might say nice things to us when we are together, but say terrible things about us behind our backs. We started to notice things about each other, and we might choose to be friends with people who like the same clothes we do, or who listen to the same music. Those middle school years are so difficult when it comes to friendship. It gets a little better in high school, but it’s still not as simple as when we were little, and all we needed to share in common was a love for play.

As we continue our sermon series “You Will Be My Witnesses,” we are taking a look at the way we witness to our faith by being God’s friends. When we talk about being friends of God, we bring with us all of our previous experiences with friendship, all our hurts, and all our good experiences. If we are lacking in human friends, we may bring some loneliness or uncertainty to this conversation. It’s important for us to acknowledge all of the hangups and baggage and bad experiences we have with human friendship because if we don’t, we might unknowingly apply these same things to friendship with God. 

If you’re a sermon note taker, today’s message is all about how to answer this question: What does it mean to be a friend of God? In our Scripture passage from the Gospel of John, we find two answers to this question. We are friends of God: 1) when we keep God’s commandments, and 2) because we know what God is doing. Does this seem overly simple? It might if we start thinking about friendship the way it often works in our society. We aren’t friends of God if we wear certain clothes or work certain jobs or like certain foods. We aren’t friends of God because being God’s friend gets us what we want. Jesus says we are friends of God when we keep God’s commandments, and we are friends of God because we know what God is doing. Let’s take these one at a time.

 Right after giving the disciples the new commandment– “that you love one another as I have loved you” – Jesus says, “You are my friends if you do what I command you.” We demonstrate our friendship with God when we live the way God calls us to live. And how does God call us to live? By loving one another as God has loved us, by loving one another with the kind of love that is willing to lay down its own life. This is a selfless love, a sacrificial love, a love that isn’t about getting our own way. When we love others in this way, we are aligning ourselves with the very mission of the kingdom of God.

During the time of the Roman Empire, it was important to be seen as a friend of Caesar, especially if you were in a position of leadership. If you lived in a territory of the empire that was far away from Rome, it was especially important that you behaved in a way that let other people know you were a friend of the empire. Just a few chapters after the one we’re looking at today in the Gospel of John, Jesus stands before Pontius Pilate for examination. The religious leaders originally bring Jesus to trial on religious charges, but in John 19, they give Pilate a political motivation to proceed with the trial. Pilate can find nothing against Jesus, and the text says this in verse 12, “From then on Pilate tried to release him, but the Jews cried out, ‘If you release this man, you are no friend of the emperor. Everyone who claims to be a king sets himself against the emperor.’”

Basically, they ask Pilate, “Whose side are you on?” Are you a friend of Caesar, or are you loyal to this man Jesus? Pilate, not wanting to be seen as disloyal to Caesar, instead leaves the matter up to public opinion so that he can’t take the blame for what happens. He offered the crowd the choice to release Jesus or a different prisoner, and they chose to have Barabbas released instead of Jesus.

To be friends with God means to care about what God cares about, and to do what God has commanded us to do–to love one another. We are friends of God when we do what God has commanded.

We are also friends of God because we know what God is doing. Jesus says this in John 15:15, “I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.” If you’re like me, when you first heard this verse about how Jesus has told us everything he’s heard from the Father, you might have thought, “But there’s so much I don’t know or understand!” Why is the world such a tough place right now? Why do bad things keep happening? Why can’t we protect our kids forever from pain and loss? Even if we believe that all things will work out for good in the end, we might feel helpless, or a little hopeless, to help things head in the right direction.

We are friends of God by doing what Jesus commands us–by loving one another–and we are friends of God because we know the end of the story. We know that love wins, that God is making all things new, that the day will come when suffering, and violence, and tears, and pain will be no more. We are God’s friends because we’ve seen this vision, and we know that the brokenness of this world is not all there is. We are friends of God because we know that, as Julian of Norwich famously said, “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.” Or as Brazilian author Fernando Sabino once wrote, “My son, everything works out in the end. If it didn’t, it’s because it hasn’t come to an end yet.” And we are friends of God, not just because we have the assurance that all things will work out in the end, but also because, as Jesus says in verse 11, “I have said all these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.” 

We live in a world where many people don’t know what it’s like to have a friend. About a third of all people aren’t sure they have even one close friend. This number is higher among young people and among young moms, with 61% of young people and about 50% of young moms reporting feelings of loneliness. My mom often tells the story of how lonely she felt as a new mom. She was new to her community and had young kids. She met with her pastors and told him how lonely she was, and he set up a get together for my mom and another mom of young kids. She tells people what a lifeline that was for her.

In a very practical sense, being a friend of God means befriending other people–loving them, welcoming them, and helping them know they aren’t alone in this world. This week, as we gather around the Lord’s table, as we share Christ with each other, let’s also be asking who in our lives is dealing with loneliness. Who might be longing for a word of encouragement, support, or just the assurance they aren’t alone. 

My challenge to you this week, and in the upcoming weeks, is to think about two tangible things you can do to reach out to someone else. Maybe you will feel led to send someone a card, or send a person a text. Invite someone out to coffee–or, invite someone to meet up for boba (I’ve been told that invitation is pretty appealing to folks these days). Meet someone at a park, or invite someone to a community event. As people who have been befriended by God, and who have shared in the gift of being loved and cared for, let us extend that friendship to others. I’m overwhelmed with hope as I imagine what it would be like if everyone of us were to reach out to one other person. For a brief moment, for one week, our community would be less lonely, and it would look a little bit more like the kingdom of God. May God give us the courage to live out our friendship with God as we seek friendship with others.