Euphemisms are interesting things, and we use them all of the time in the English language. A euphemism is a gentler or kinder way of talking about something unpleasant, or for softening the truth, and sometimes euphemisms are pretty creative. We use some of these euphemisms so often in the English language we don’t even realize we are doing it. For example, if you are looking to buy a car, you might be asked if you are hoping to buy a car that is new or one that is “certified pre-owned.” There’s not a thing wrong with buying a car that isn’t new, but for some reason, we don’t want to use the word “used.” So, it’s certified pre-owned instead. Or, instead of saying someone is middle-aged, we might say they are “over the hill.” There’s not a thing wrong with getting older. In fact, growing old is a privilege that not everyone gets to experience. And yet, we don’t want to say, “You’re getting older” or “I’m getting older.” We say, “I’m over the hill.” Even the Bible has euphemisms for age. When the Bible tells us about Abram and Sarai being too old to have a child, the text tells us they were “getting on in years.”

Euphemisms were created to help us feel better about talking about sensitive subjects. Sometimes they are funny. They are often clever. And we use them to hide our discomfort about particular topics. Here are a few more examples. We don’t usually come right out and say a person is lying. We might say, “He’s creative with the truth,” or “she bends the truth sometimes.” When a relationship doesn’t work out, we don’t like to say, “They broke up.” So, we might say, “She just needed some space.” Or, if we are feeling sick, we might say, “I can’t go out tonight. I’m under the weather.” Euphemisms are a roundabout way of saying what we really want to say, and quite often, they are humorous to take the edge off of talking about something uncomfortable. 

This week, as we continue our study of Philippians 4:8, we come to the phrase “whatever is commendable.” The word translated here as “commendable” is the word “euphēma,” which is the root of the English word “euphemism.” Unlike the English word, though, euphema is about giving a good report about a person or situation. Euphema is speaking good words about someone or something that is admirable. It isn’t a kind word hiding an ugly truth. It is a beautiful word that means “speaking good words that build up” or “telling the good truth about someone.” Euphema is whatever is commendable, or whatever is admirable. The King James Version translates it as “whatsoever things are of good report.” Rev. Jill J. Duffield says this about whatever is commendable: “Could Paul, then, be calling Christians to utilize careful judgment when speaking? Focusing on that which builds up, those words that reflect the grace upon grace of the living Word? Perhaps frugality of words might be a faithful practice harkening back to that childhood admonishment to err on the side of silence when no good words come to mind” (p. 96). In other words, the things we say are powerful, and we need to be careful with them. If we use our words to build up, to commend, to honor what is good, we amplify that good and shine a light on it. If we use our words to tear apart, we bury whatever is good under the rubble of our carelessness–or even worse, our harmful intentions. 

Our Scripture texts from Proverbs and Ephesians serve as mirrors for us: one that shows us the danger of what we say, and the other that encourages us to use what we say and do for good. Let’s start with the dangers. In Proverbs 18, we find several wisdom sayings about life, but in several of the verses, we find a focus on the power of human words. Verses 4-8 say this: “The words of the mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a gushing stream. It is not right to be partial to the guilty, or to subvert the innocent in judgement. A fool’s lips bring strife, and a fool’s mouth invites a flogging. The mouths of fools are their ruin, and their lips a snare to themselves. The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.” In these verses, the teacher uses familiar categories from ancient times – wisdom and foolishness – and tells us our words are capable of both things. Our words can be like deep waters, a gushing stream that gives life. Or, our words can be used to protect the guilty, harm the innocent, or make ourselves look foolish and cause us suffering. But then, verse 8 is confusing. It describes the whisperer’s words as “delicious morsels” that “go down into the inner parts of the body.” 

At first, this sounds like a positive thing, but it’s actually more sinister. The word “whisperer” is something translated as “gossiper” and I think that helps us get at the deeper meaning. A gossiper or a slanderer tells stories that feel “delicious.” We want to hear them. We crave them. But, their words work their way into our innermost selves – our hearts – and they change us in harmful ways. What we say is powerful. It can heal or hurt, heal broken relationships or divide us farther apart. Like the old Sunday School song says, “Oh, be careful little mouth what you say.”

Proverbs warns us about the power of the tongue – of our words – to help or to harm. Ephesians gives us some direction on how we might harness our speech and appreciate whatever is commendable. In this short passage there are three main points, as far as it concerns our words and what we say. Those points are: speaking the truth to our neighbors, letting only what will build up come out of our mouths, and exchanging slander and malice for kindness.  

First, we are called to speak the truth to our neighbors. We do this, as verse 25 says, by “putting away falsehood.” Now, perhaps it sounds ridiculously obvious to say that we tell the truth by putting away what’s false, but this verse goes deeper than that. The NRSV translates what we are to do as “speak the truth to our neighbors,” but the conjunction in this sentence might better be translated with the word “with.” “Speak the truth with our neighbors.” Doesn’t that have a different feel to it? Translated this way, the aim of this verse is not that we correct what’s false in our neighbors, or that we speak hard truth to them, though sometimes that is what we are called to do. Instead, this verse calls us to have truth in our relationships with our neighbors. Our relationships with our neighbors should be built upon a foundation of truth and honesty, rather than on any falsehood or deception. And, we do this because we are members of one another. We belong to each other. 

I came across a story of a family at Christmas time. The parents gave one of their children a chocolate orange. The kid tried it and said it was disgusting. The honesty was so shocking that everyone squirmed and felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. The kid’s sibling wanted to make things better and said, “I’ll eat it!” And even though she didn’t like it either, she lied and said she loved it. For the last 15 years, her parents have bought her a chocolate orange for Christmas, and they do it because they think she loves it, and she doesn’t have the heart to tell them she lied. This is a pretty innocent situation, but how often do we do something similar in the way we interact with people in our lives? We don’t prioritize honesty and trust with each other because we are afraid. Part of appreciating whatever is commendable is by speaking commendable words – words of honesty and truth – as we build relationships with the people around us.

We are called to speak the truth to/with our neighbors, and we are called to let out of our mouths only what will build up, rather than tear down. In Appreciate These Things, Jill Duffield wrote about one of her New Testament professors in seminary. He had a way of bringing out the best in his students because he knew they were capable of good work, and he told them as much. She said she knew he believed in her because: “He patiently explained. He passionately taught. He expected the best. He refused to let any of us fade into the background. He demanded we give it our all. When anyone did anything commendable, no matter how minor, he called it out. He celebrated it. When we made mistakes, obvious and often, he named those too–not to shame but to assure us we could do better. He believed in us.” What stood out to me in her story was that even when her professor pointed out mistakes, it was obvious that he did so to build her up, and not to make her feel unintelligent or small. His words were grace. His words were love and kindness. His words had the goal of building up the other person because he believed in each person and wanted them to reach their potential. 

We are called to speak the truth to/with our neighbors. We are called to let out of our mouths only what will build up. And we are called to exchange slander and malice for kindness. Slander and malice have one thing in common: a disregard for the image of God in another person. When we slander someone, we tell falsehoods, we bear false witness against someone, because we believe what we want is more valuable than the dignity of the other person. Malice is about harming another person. The harm is the goal. When we speak or act with malice, we have decided our revenge or our momentary feeling of satisfaction is more important than the pain it will cause another person. As we appreciate whatever is commendable, we exchange these selfish and harmful ambitions for kindness–not because we are weak, but because in Jesus Christ we do not have to stoop to weak actions and words. We can find strength in releasing our desire for revenge–in offering forgiveness and grace, rather than harm. 

Our world is hungry for the kind of words called for in Ephesians 4. Our world is aching for the kind of kindness, honesty, and building up that the Holy Spirit is working in our lives. This ache is visible in so many places, but one that caught my eye this week was a simple video made by Steve Burns on TikTok. Steve Burns played Steve on the Nickelodeon show “Blue’s Clues” from 1996-2002. As Steve on Blue’s Clues, Steve Burns was the only human actor on the set. He did all of his scenes in front of a green screen, and then the animated characters would be added in later. Because of this unique set up, Steve got really good at imagining he was talking directly to another human being on the other side of the camera. He learned to look at the camera and listen with his eyes wide and patient-listening on his face. Kids who grew up watching Steve on Blue’s Clues saw him as a person who genuinely listened to them and cared. He truly believed each child he talked to was smart, and the children who received that warmth from his character never forgot it.

Two decades later, Steve made a simple video on TikTok. He looked at the camera and said, “Hey, I’m checking in. Tell me, what’s going on?” and then he silently looked at the camera. He nodded as though he was listening. People began pouring out how moved they were in the comments, and he received over 1.2 million likes on his post. A few months later, he shared a video in which he silently stood by a gate looking over a pasture. He had a steaming mug of coffee in one hand, and with the other hand, he gestured a mug of coffee toward the camera. In a matter of hours, this video received over 2 million likes, and he hadn’t even said a word.

Through his silent presence, Steve showed something commendable – a heart of love for the person who would see his video. Our presence, our words, our hearts have the ability to reach out and meet someone in their place of deepest need, too. May we appreciate whatever is commendable as we watch our words closely, as we release them into the world to heal and build up–rather than tear down, and as we choose kindness. Today and always. Amen.